Salaam. Since June 2004, after my aunt
passed away I have felt really down, thinking about life and how I wish I was
not here. I know this is wrong and insha-Allah I hope Allah can forgive me for
thinking this, but it's the mind that says all the negative things. I also feel
I am a bad person, as sometimes if it is salat time and I am tired, I will say
"I will pray tomorrow".
I was masha-Allah a very healthy person, but since June 2004, I have been off
work more than three and a half months because I feel tired, very weak, and
nauseated. I always think negative about everything. When I am happy, my mind
will then be saying "Why are you happy?" or when I make du'a after my salat, my
mind says "You're still ill, you will never get better, so there's no point
making du'a to Allah to make you better." Why do I feel this. I want to be
happy, active, full of energy, and motivated. I am so weak that I feel dizzy
when I do wudu and I pray sitting down because I feel dizzy and my vision goes
blurry. I am so happy I am a Muslim. I want to be a good Muslim insha-Allah and
do my duty on this earth which is to obey Allah. I even have a friend who
reverted to Islam and I wanted to teach her more about it. I just don't have the
strength to help her. The reason I am still going on is because I feel that it
is a big sin to commit suicide and to wish death upon yourself and I think of
Allah, that's what stops me. But I really need your help. I have had help from
all different doctors and specialists and they said physically my insides are
fine...it's just my mental thinking. I want something to pray, some kind of du'a
to pray? I want to have good health insha-Allah, so that I can do all the things
I want to do...like pray five times a day. If I don't have the health, how can
I? I cry myself to sleep thinking and praying that I hope I wake up well in the
morning. I have even had a couple of job offers come through, but because of me
feeling weak (no energy), and dizzy and sick I cannot get up in the morning. I
want full strength in everything I do, and I want to say to all people out there
to thank Allah for giving you health, because if you have none of that, you
won't have nothing...meaning you can't pray, you can't work.
Can you please, please, please help. Give me du'a for my depression and a du'a
that will give me strength and will power and energy. Something that will take
negative things out of my head. I get scared when people pass away too. This
really puts me down.
Can you please insha-Allah email me back, with your reply. I really pray you can
help me. Thanks so much. Wassalam.
Allow me to tell you that the only sure
aspect of our life on this earth is that every one of us will die someday. Every
one of us will leave this earth and go back to our Creator.
I am glad that you have realized this. You are not a bad person. You have just
got your ideas all mixed up. You have been having a bad time since your aunt's
death and your health has taken a dive. You find that your activities of daily
living have become curtailed. Sister, you are the only one who can change what
is happening to you. Allah gave you life, a well formed active brain and all
your organs and systems are in good functioning order.
You owe it to yourself to get yourself up and about. You are a precious creation
and human being. You have to decide whether you want to go on the way you are or
do you want to change what is happening to you.
Allow me to suggest that you go and look after ladies and children who are in
need of care. Perhaps just go spend time talking to them and finding out what
their needs are. See if you can make some contribution towards alleviating some
of their suffering. Take someone a flower or tell a blind person about the
lovely feathers of a bird and its colors. Carry a little child on your back and
listen to it laugh with joy as you bring it happiness. Touch an old person with
kindness by rubbing her painful joints and obtain her blessings. Smile to the
beggar whom you may have seen many times before but never taken real notice of.
Greet her and say something kind to her. These are just little suggestions I am
making. Let me know what you think of them. May Allah grant you sabr and the
ability to give yourself another chance to enjoy your wonderful life on earth.
Ameen. I also make a humble request that you remember my mother in your duas.
She passed away last month after a long and painful illness. I am grateful to
Allah that He gave me such a wonderful mother and that He grants her the highest
stages in Jannah. Ameen.
And Allah Knows Best